The End

Winning graciously...

Clearly NOT in the Philadelphia Museum of Art's vocabulary - Unless you count late game apathy which resulted in a dropped pop fly, coverage confusion and general lackadaisical play.
AND
A pleasant surprise, South Philly Tap Room - The middle-aged bar team presumably comprised of anyone and everyone who is remotely decent and frequents SPTR; think New York Yankees of southern Brotherly Love.

Tuesday, July 5 - Philadelphia Museum of Art

Despite a residual euphoria (i.e. fat, lazy and patriotic) from Independence Day weekend, beginning a game already eleven runs in the red is difficult and demoralizing.  However, there really was no choice in the matter - Every other team did it, and if every other team jumped off a bridge...

Resumed Game 11 commenced (then proceeded) with frustration, disappointment and eventual relief come bottom of seven; i.e. the end.  Nothing of note remains as the Ballers lost in a crushing lot to little; true season fashion.

Monday, July 11 AND Tuesday, July 12 - South Philly Tap Room

The final chapter(s) in our perfectly imperfect yet imperfectly perfect season - A pseudo double-header which yielded back to back losses.  In short, game two of said double-header was lost by about ten runs?  Fortunately, game two saw a smaller margin of only five, maybe six RBIs - Or 'poked' in as the Tap Room would say.

Tuesday, April 19 THRU Tuesday, July 12 - Memorial Ballers

American inventor Thomas Edison claimed, "I failed my way to success."  Samuel Smiles (yep, Smiles), early Scottish self-help guru, noted author and reformist said, "We learn wisdom from failure much more than success.  We often discover what we will do, by finding out what we will not do."  In short, call our season an epic fail, disaster, disappointing, even embarrassing - However, I would say, "Never regret something that once made you smile," as "Failure is part of what makes us human."

Here's to humanity, the occasional botched call, having fun, free booze (sometimes) hot dogs with cupcakes, dislocations, heat advisories, bruises, blood and a good ass-kicking - There's always next season!

Cheers Ballers, cheers!

Franklin's Collar

A re-cap of our two most recent good, bad and ugly!

Monday, June 21 (and NOT Tuesday, June 22 – Our bad!) marked Game 12 of regular season play against the league reigning, always defending and slightly apathetic Franklin Institute.

Due to calendar error and mass confusion, a call for friends, even ringers, went out to all Ballers yielding a delightful response!  With starkly absent key personnel (i.e. ‘The Beast’ Phillips and first baseman, Matt Schwartz), Claudia called on friend and future infield staple Tom, Leon bribed brother Jason, while ‘The Rat Pack’ (i.e. Armin, Dan B. and friend Phil) arrived in full force!  Unfortunately, despite a surprisingly solid infield sans regulars, an abundant supply of Philadelphia Brewing Company booze, sunflower seeds, Gatorade and sarcasm, the Memorial Ballers lost 2-20.

Memorable moment or two of our game (i.e. warm and fuzzy worthy) include the multiple failed attempts by select Franklin forces to nail my ’95 Impreza, the late arrival of our esteemed co-captain around inning three along with solid defense exhibited by ALL Ballers despite intense, last-minute roster reorganization!

BUT, the undisputed highlight (meh?) of Game 12 took place around inning five when outfield/infield Renaissance Man, and seasoned Baller vet Leon, dislocated his left shoulder on an awkward intentional slide from first into second.  Following Leon’s brutal battle wound, ice was quickly salvaged from multiple beer coolers, said cold compress applied, and our star was escorted to the nearest ER for further TLC – However, it has been rumored (ultimately verified) that Leon never saw the inside of any hospital.  Apparently, Morgan, loving girlfriend, accidently applied so much pressure icing the wound, she inadvertently relocated his shoulder!

Crying?!  There’s no crying in softball!

Monday, June 27 (yeah, we got it right this time), CEO Day and Game 13 against Bishop’s Collar Bar – One of a handful still vying for play-off contention.  Unfortunately, we failed to effectively eliminate the Collar; losing by our second slimmest margin yet, an agonizing 16-10.
In honor and celebration of our gracious CEO seasonal support, there was a wealth of cheap summer booze, sunflower seeds and Rice Crispy Treats!  Former CEO Nancy Kolb joined the festivities, cheering her team to an almost victory and encouraging peak performance!

Highlights include a diving play outta Adam ‘The Beast’ Phillips, an incredible diving roll catch a la right center, Brian ‘Bloody Bruised’ Rafter, solo homerun from third baseman Greg Riley to deep left field and truly solid play all around by ALL involved!

Three games remain, the trifecta!  Join us Tuesday, July 5 on Dairy Field, 4 as the Ballers finish Game 11 v. Art Museum; AND a double header week after!  Both Monday, July 11 (Belmont Field, 4) AND Tuesday, July 12 (Dairy Field, 4) will be against the South Philly Tap Room; usually seeded second only to Franklin Force (self-proclaimed scary name for the Franklin Institute)!

“Never let the fear of striking out get in your way.”
            - Babe Ruth

Franklin, Pencil and Fleish - Oh My!

Three games, three losses, a different kind of perfection?

Tuesday, May 31 - Please Touch Museum versus The Franklin Institute, good battles evil, David pitted against Goliath, well, you get the idea.

Despite slight overwhelming odds, your Memorial Ballers put up a valiant effort against the brawny five-time league champions that boast Benjamin Franklin's namesake.

Memorable moments include our first team BBQ - Pasta salad, cupcakes, tomato pie, taco dip and enough hot dogs to feed a third world country!  The introduction of ringer and friend Brian Reese who played a solid left and seven innings before pulling his hamstring to the point of no return - Literally.  Getting off the field was an ordeal and we haven't seen him since.  A constant stream of four letter words as I rounded second base revealed the fact that this co-captain hates running.  No really, I only sprint if something is chasing me - In this case it was Adam Phillips on a double to right center.  A bobbled but caught pop fly by Leon in right center brought out the claws as Franklin short stop and 'The Beast' Phillips met mid mound for an intense argument regarding softball semantics.  A gambling man, Adam will be forced to cough up beer and bravado next time v. The Franklin.  Apparently, 'intentionally' bobbling a pop fly is not allowed - Who knew?  Also, have they met Leon?  I mean, the guy's good, but I would bet no one's THAT good!

Monday, May 6 - Please Touch Museum battled arguably our only remaining chance at a win v. rookie, CCSL newbie, Fleisher Art Memorial.

Despite decent odds and a near perfect roster, your Memorial Ballers lost by eleven with the final score of Ballers, 3 and Fleisher, 14 - We think?  The score a tentative collaborative average as we stopped caring and Fleisher should really learn to math.

Moments we want to forget include questionable opposing roster tactics and a variety of infield errors which resulted in more than one un-earned run.  Tempers flared as egos grew to unnecessary proportions and the Fleisher began trash-talking like a team that is 7-2 rather than 2-7.

Tuesday, May 7 - Your 'Bad Touchers' took on the aging Pen and Pencil in perhaps our finest defensive display to date and first real softball/baseball score of the season; losing only 7-4!

Amazing plays include many an outfield grab by left center, Andrew Riley - His last, a short pop fly snagged sans breaking stride and beer in hand; truly Baller chic.  Armin Pop made his infield debut at second base with Matt Schwartz, Greg Riley and 'The Beast' adding additional ground support.  Boasting barely enough players to round out our roster, and already an X chromosome short, I was forced into short right center with newly returned Dan B. in right and Leon staking left.  Rather than take an automatic out per line-up rotation, spectator staple Morgan Robinson donned big girl panties and caught for returning veteran Frankie Luz until Ann Goering arrived.

Unfortunately, due to a five run first inning and very little (if any) Baller bat action (BOTH co-captains went 0-4), incredibly solid defense fell short of the win.

Next game - Join us this Tuesday, June 14 as your Memorial Ballers take on the top seeded Philadelphia Museum of Art, former team of our own Captain Emeritus, at Dairy Field, 4 usual time (6:00 PM)!

Also, in honor of their incredibly generous contribution earlier this season, our June 27 game versus Bishop's Collar will be CEO Day!  Light refreshments and beverages will be provided - Feel free to bring additional goodies in honor of our amazingly fantastic CEOs; past and present!

Two Thousand Words...

One picture is worth a thousand words, so how about two...

Centennial Step-Child

Philadelphia's Museum of Art, Pantheon on the Parkway, or PMA for short and the lazy. 

Said Parkway icon currently boasts notable holdings such as Peter Paul Rubens', Promethus Bound; Thomas Eakins', The Gross Clinic; Vincent Van Gogh's, Vase with twelve Sunflowers; and Cezanne's, The Bather's, to name just a select few.  Among the largest art collections in continental United States, established 1876 (conveniently coinciding with the World's Fair), and originally housed within the confines of Memorial Hall - Meet our bastard Centennial step child.  Original location meet new digs, old and stuffy meet young and fresh - They may be bigger, but we're better!  They may hold millions in an endowment, but our audience is their future!

Despite minimal attendance and dragging moral, your Memorial Ballers kept the undefeated Philadelphia Museum of Art (home team) to our lowest score difference at date; with final numbers, 17-6!

Lineup boasted Leon at first, Brian Rafter on second and Adam Phillips manning short (stop) - All slightly gimpy and spewing self-proclaimed limited mobility.  With former PMAer turned former PTMer Frank Luzi out on Daddy Duty, Claudia Setubal pitched innings one through four - Claudia was relieved inning five by debut rookie, Renee.  Ann Goering staked catcher while fiancee and birthday boy Matt Schwartz rounded-out the infield at third - Happy 27th!  Left field saw the return of ex Experience Host Erin Kane, left center boasted Andrew Riley, right center was Beth (friend of Erin Kane) while newly re-hired Retail Associate Mike Connor played right.  Inning three saw Armin Pop swap for Ann while Dan replaced Beth around inning five.

Plays of note include an opening lead off hit jacked deep left by Adam 'The Beast' Phillips - Unfortunately, our esteemed co-captain attempted to turn said double into a triple; out number one.  However, Mr. Phillips more than redeemed himself playing solid short stop and laying out for an incredible snag to end inning five!  Extraordinary outfielders Erin Kane and Mike Connor also came up with amazing grabs.  Leon and Andrew cleared bases - Leon with a triple, Andrew a stand-up home run!  In addition, Leon got away with an error on first, both Brian and Dan drew blood, birthday boy Schwartz donned a 'Princess' tiara while former Communications Coordinator Silvana Pop berated her little brother (Armin) from our sidelines.

As an aside, The Philadelphia Museum of Art batted 16 players per rotation with more than one questionable call as acting base umps.

Just a FYI - Double header NEXT week!  Monday, May 16th against rookie win-less team, Fleisher Art Memorial (0-5) at Belmont Field, 4 AND Tuesday, May 17th against South Philly Tap Room (3-2) on Dairy Field, 2; we are home and away, respectively.

Third Time's the Charm?

Game 3, Bishop's Collar, third time's the charm?  Unfortunately, not so much...

Despite an upsetting score of 2-28 with innings one and three accounting for over half Collar's scored runs (an unsettling 18 to be exact), your Memorial Ballers staged an epic fight!

In contrast to official results, we boasted an incredible roster and blatant team spirit.  Making his second appearance of this season, Greg Riley started deep left field, as brother Andrew Riley staked out left center - Later switching with right center field Dan B. who began at first base; voluntarily swapping around inning four with super slugger Leon who suffered a slight ankle re-injury mid confrontation.  Third base boasted Ballers' staple Matt Schwartz - Loving fiancee to Ann Goering, voluntary bench warmer and vocal cheerleader.  In short, while Matt took multiple bouncing and breaking grounders at third, Ann managed to conjure and coin the obvious chant, 'Hey, I know him!'  Meanwhile, Renee, second baseman turned catcher, switched with little Pop (aka Armin) around inning three-ish to man deep right field.  With A. Pop behind home calling in, out, up and down, pitcher Claudia Setubal faced Bishop's Collar seven innings straight.  Slightly rehabilitated, recoved and relocated from first base to short stop, Adam 'The Beast' Phillips brought his A-game; infield acrobatics, diving snags and the occasional double play.

Honorable mentions include roster candidate Eduardo Quemuel and former outfield extraordinaire Brian Rafter.  Despite an intense desire for action (and possibly blood) both gentlemen remained sideline bound with lower extremity injuries, unleashing any latent anger as base coaches, on our runners rounding first or third.

Despite the above stellar shout-outs, by inning seven, an extraordinary infield all-star and MVP was clearly evident.  With an incalculable number of outs made and not an error on field, Nora Banks played the most solid second base seen this season!  If there was an out at second to be made, N. Banks made it - Usually with the help of A. Phillips eating turf.  Unfortunately, due to my horrible hitting order error, Nora didn't bat until inning five.

In conclusion, Anne Kreamer, former worldwide creative director for Nickelodeon and Nick at Night, in a new book (It's Always Personal:  Emotion in the New Workplace) detailing occupational emotions, devotes an entire chapter to defining traits of what she calls the four Workplace Emotional Evaluation Profiles.  Apparently, post mini-survey, I am a Believer then Solver.  'Aloof' and 'removed,' yet a relatively happy person who finds 'solace by trusting in the stabilizing, civilizing power of larger principles and the greater goods.'  Solvers also grow into 'better emotional management' with time.

Translation?  Softball application?  I think of myself as a relatively happy co-captain, improvement needed, who finds 'solace' by the greater goods - An evening suitably spent, a game agreeably played and beverages thoroughly enjoyed.

Cheers to you Memorial Ballers, cheers to you!

Game 1 - After the Fact

Grantland Rice, an American sportswriter during our turn of the century wrote , ‘It’s not whether you win or lose, it’s how you play the game.’  Vince Lombardi, famed Green Bay Packers coach and namesake for the National Football League’s (NFL) coveted Super Bowl trophy is quoted as saying, ‘Winning isn’t the only thing; it’s everything.’

I hate football.

Your Memorial Ballers lost their Home Opener yesterday on Dairy Field 4 against The Philadelphia Zoo.  The score, a crushing, stomping, lot to little 32-6 with Please Touch rallying slightly bottom of the seventh.  Unfortunately, our effort provided too little, too late.  Regardless, spirits were high, our mood cheerfully sarcastic and a good time was had by most!  Honorable mentions, plays of the day and general awesome-ness include an incredible but made-to-look-easy catch by Nora Banks playing short right field; a snag which not only ended an eight-run Zoo rally but also bottom of the first inning.  More than one line-drive was effectively terminated by rookie third-baseman Matthew Schwartz, dedicated fiancée of Please Touch Museum Music Coordinator, Ann Goering.  Ann, also a Ballers rookie, made her all-star debut at second base and closed as catcher during innings six and seven.  Newly drafted Grant Writer, Brain Rafter covered left field – Literally.  Rafter arguably spent more time on the field after diving and impressive feats of acrobatics, laying out for more than one Zoo pop-up or foul fly!  Dan ‘The Man’ B. made his debut at short stop, thus rounding out our newbie Ballers.  Please Touch veterans such as solid left center Andrew Riley, right center Rob Fernandez and all-around Renaissance man FLuzi who pitched, killed time in right field and closed at short stop, lent experience, constructive criticism and an air of ballin’ flair.  In addition, catcher turned closer Claudia Setubal held our opening opponents to minimal run devastation during innings six and seven while seasoned slugger Renee K. staked second base, innings four through seven.  Co-captain, Adam ‘The Beast’ Phillips played an amazingly solid first base stretching, scooping and chasing down pop flies despite pre-season ankle injuries and DL rumors.  As remaining co-captain, I was content to keep score, maintain our rookie roster and provide endless encouragement; albeit laced with love and sarcasm.

In short, I have to disagree with Vince – Winning isn’t everything.  It IS how you play the game, the example you set and the fun you have with truly amazing people!

Pen, Pencil, Poor Sports

Game 2 of the Memorial Ballers season dawned hot, humid and hopeful.

With a record turnout of fresh faces and faithful friends, us ‘Bad Touchers’ stared age, wisdom, experience and douche-baggery in the face.  Pen and Pencil club, a dying breed of journalists and pencil pushers of Philadelphia’s own Daily News and Inquirer, Game 2 opponents and an old, festering rival.

Inning 1 began promising with the Ballers closing out on top 4-2.  Unfortunately, our lead was short-lived.  With Pen and Pencil pulling ahead 4-7 inning two, a downward spiral ensued.  With a final score of 8-26 and an outwardly amicable parting among enemies, improvement was the name of our game.

Notable performances and honorable mentions?  With her debut as starting pitcher, Claudia Setubal chucked a solid five innings, rounding out her remaining play as designated hitter.  Rookie, Armin Pop, younger brother to former Pop Star and Please Touch coordinator Silvana, spent five innings backing home.  Relocated to right center, Brian Rafter virtually laid out for an amazing snag mid-game – Simultaneously boosting moral and pulling both quad muscles.  Leon, making his 2011 season debut, fielded right center solidly and boasted a solo home run bottom of inning nine – Impressive, stunning, too little too late.  Staking out second base and shortstop, Renee along with Frank Luzi respectively, scooped what Pen and Pencil dropped within our baseline.  Playing like professionals, newcomer Nelson, Andrew Riley, his brother Greg and third-baseman Matt Schwartz were the epitome of reliable, solid and consistent!  Play of the game?  Sacrificing his moneymaker, first baseman Adam Phillips took a bouncing throw from third in the chin.  A timeout was called, play suspended to check for blood and ice obtained – Next time the ‘Beast’ will bring his big girl panties and take it like a man.

To all Ballers, I leave you with this, Self-improvement is the name of the game, and your primary objective is to strengthen yourself, not to destroy an opponent.

The Pen and Pencil Club may disagree, but this is me caring.